i've been in oregon since forever ago

In case you haven't heard, I'm currently in Oregon fighting vampires. This is me riding the light rail in Portland. According to Business Week-blah, Portland is the 5th saddest city in the US.
The man sitting across from us in the airplane drank five bloody mary's and blasted the footloose soundtrack on his ipod. How ironic.
At the airport, neither of us said the b-word (BOMB!!!) but I did retell a story about my dad accidentally blowing up an apiarist's living room with a can of gasoline. No security was called. A group of dad-aged douchebags, yeah i guess they exist, boarded the plane with us. Are dad-aged douchebags the 2010's equivalent to 90's dad Dead Heads?
I present, for you, the nominees for most unintentionally hilarious Sky Mall ads ...........

sad little boy garden sculpture.

the fish whisperer sweater

frat boy baby-wig

the "bionic rose glove"

the armband pillow

"Poop Freeze"

$200 Gollum Smeagol bookends
this monstrously-sized "travel" pillow
"Lost Balls: Great Holes" book
weird.
adjustable anti-snore pillow (also, was this used in a pad commercial. ew.)
duck bottoms coat rack with screws on their anus area
???

AND THE WINNER IS .............

the $200 Gollum Smeagol bookends!!!

Congratulations to all the nominees, it was a tough call.