kitty kitty wah

Hi, first things first: I had a really fucking shitty day where I forced myself to numb out any internal feelings so by the time everything was resolved I was dehydrated and throwing up. So, my writing is sub-par. It sucks to admit it, but I already know my writing belongs in 8th grade remedial english class but today's is slightly worse. sorry. I don't really feel like going back and proofreading and inserting funnies and doing the thesaurus thing today. I guess what I'm saying is I try hard to look effortless because real effortless is garbage. Read. Or Don't.

Here is the tear-soaked flyer i made this morning:

I let Baby go outside yesterday around noon. And I remember his demanding little cries. He sat on the window sill and stared at my face until I stared back. And before that, I remember the afternoon sun shining on my face and seeping into my eyelids. Baby's curled body was sleeping next my legs. His tiny tiny paws outstretched and lazy. I kept thinking about that morning. My mind let the scene replay and replay in a sickening macabre fashion.

My mom came into town to help me look for him. I heard her ask me if everything was ok and I started sobbing. I couldn't help it. I couldn't hold my hands steady. She helped me put on my gloves and we went searching.

I've never lost a pet before. My pets! My curly tails! My weird loveys! They make me laugh. They catch stray house bugs and I sing them songs. I give these little creatures love. soft scratchies. pats on their head when they catch toy mice for me. You would sob too if your baby animal suddenly left you. My little sweetheart! We put spells on each other and then he was just gone!

After two days, the animal shelter picked him up.

Baby! He was there! His defeated eyes looking through mine. The volunteer let me pick him up and hold him. His flat nose had a small scratch. I had to fill out paperwork before I could take him home. Except not really. Marc's name was on all the documents even though we've paid exactly 50/50 on every vet bill, city registration, and microchip fee.

The fat woman behind the desk couldn't let me take my Baby home. I would have to wait until Marc got home from his business trip.

And you know what I thought of? I thought of the Vice President debate where Joe Biden kept repeating their belief on gay partners and hospital visits. I know this is different! I know this is different! I may be fairly fucking delusional about my pets, but I can at least admit a kitty cat may as well be a suitcase compare to a domestic partner.

But still, DAMN DAMN DAMN YOU, CITY OF ALBUQUERQUE NITWITS.

Go ahead you worthless piece of shit human. Tell me I can't take my Baby home.

role playing night

dear marc, i decided it was role playing night but you're still in Missouri so i had to do it on my own. here:

you'll be surprised to find out i was not drinking to do something this uninteresting and silly. as you know, i only have a basket load worth of clothes so my costumes may not have been very obvious. here are my disguises in order of appearance:

0:01 - regular G. those are my new burgundy pants.
0:25 - a hipster girl who thinks she's too good for you but then you expand your obscure 90s band knowledge on her, ironically of course, and she goes home with you.
0:43 - the 2nd wife who divorces you as soon as you make your millions.
1:11 - college co-ed.
1:32 - the physical manifestation of an acid trip.
1:54 - a butch lady who you picked up at home depot. also, she has one leg shorter than the other.
2:10 - the economics teacher who moonlights as a cocktail waitress OR the customs lady who found your stash of weed at airport security.

notice how i think hipsters kiss their bicep. lol. originally i was trying on clothes to figure out which ones to donate but that quickly got boring. but so was this retarded video, so what do i know? also, in reference to the college co-ed one: i tried to find Highlander, the tv series, to put on in the background in order to make that scene historically accurate of our relationship, but it wasn't on.

i miss you!

i tried going to sleep at 9:30 but i just wound up waking up around 11:25. plus, i had a dream where you worked the counter at Walgreens and i didn't have a job but i hung around you all day anyhow. and then i had a brilliant idea about bringing homemade videos to peoples' houses. like, i think you and i were making videos about how to use the products at Walgreens and then selling the videos to families. then it just got weird(er) and we taped a porn featuring jennifer connelly in a green nightie.

anyhow, i woke up and watched the second half of Big Love on HBO.

the other fucked up part about being awake at 4AM is that i will undoubtedly sleep until 12:30 and wind up going to sleep at 5AM again tomorrow night. my piggy alarm clock is over at my house too. wah.

blah blah blah.

well, i'm sad you missed role playing night. oh wellsies.

love, bunny

p.s. it was so warm and sunny today. i took out the trash barefooted in my little black tee shirt and brown shorts. the afternoon sun was that perfect hazy yellow string of light. i lifted the back of my shirt to get some sunshine on my skin and stood on your porch letting the sunlight warm my back until it burned. and now, in the middle of the night i can still feel that itchy warm sunlight. i wish you could feel it too.

p.p.s. just a few minutes ago, baby got on that small wooden bookcase by the front door and turned off the light switch. and now he's trying to turn the doorknob with his fluffy little paws. i'm sort of scared he's going to figure out how to use cutlery and eat me tonight, but i'm going to go give him love anyhow. K.I.T.

friday hey hey

i got invited to a girls night out bar-hopping. on the other side of town, bedelia was having a get together, so that's where all the boners were.

We went to distillery for a lemon drop. Jay desperately texted me about being lonely. The boys at distillery were vagina-lonely and couldn't keep their lip-licking hungry eyes off of us. um. next place!

Ralli's had a cover so we shuffled over to Sauce and Raw. Tecate and a red-headed slut.

hey hey. a thank you goes out to the burt's patron who spilled their drink all over my crotch while i was sitting down. the liquid ran down my pants and pooled on my ass in true pee-pants staining style.

afterpartay.

whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. in a good way.

assume rocky's still holding his coat to his crotch.

???

obviously reenacting briana loves jenna.

autopsy room. lol.

later, when i woke up on the couch, si, jade and sam were freestyling in the kitchen.

for your eyes only

dear marc, volume ON!

you're so far away from me. i almost can't stand it. last night, i sat around and watched flight of the conchords and downloaded jeff buckley's album grace. then afterward, i put mi laptop on top of the pretzel bucket and filmed myself eating a pickle. they were ice cold and one of the bites stung my sensitive molars.

futurama was on. it was that episode where they time travel back to 1940s roswell and fry sleeps with his grandma. we've seen it a billion times. why do i keep watching it?

the video is pretty fucking boring, but i really just sat on my lazy ass last night.

love, bunny

p.s. i wrote a horny message for you on casual encounters (on craigslist). i was going to ask you to guess which one was mine, but then it got flagged down within an hour. why? i'm pretty sure my words weren't too raunchy. maybe they weren't raunchy enough? I wrote at length about various fetishes. tell me why you think it got flagged.

p.p.s. i got 6 responses. yikes.

p.p.p.s. the whole time i was writing about shower sex and the just the tip game, i was laughing so hard thinking about how you'd have to read through all those other casual encounters. have you ever looked at the w4m listings? most of them are advertisements for porn sites, i think, but the rest will give you nightmares. since it was flagged, damn it, it will be my silent mission to make a listing that won't get flagged. K.I.T.

guess again man

this was last week.

for some magical cosmic reason the bar was filled with magical cosmic persons. asian hipsters with jagged long haircuts. red-headed teens drinking from whiskey flasks in the girls bathroom. sweating blonde amazons dancing in groups. ghetto wannabe rich kids. gutter punks with scruffy dogs. beautiful lonely blond ian curtis reminiscent guys. chunky girls in skin tight red and pink tube dresses. coke heads screaming in their booths. sadly, no dylan.

pretty fucking cool. like, finally, some diversity at burt's tiki lo. oh, and also, they finally got their neon sign fixed.

in between mgmt and marvin gaye, a shirtless and dripping wet maniac jumped up on that ledge in front of the stage.

the guy: tall. thin. not classically handsome, but makes up for it with lovely grimy air of heroin user. chest tattoos, arm tattoos. like, how you'd imagine iggy pop, if iggy pop were 4 feet away from you and kicking people in the head. swoon.

so there i was, standing next to one of those beautiful lonely ian curtis', trying to chug my tecate. we're watching the punk hanging off the stage light and a crowd of barbacks and the sound guy stand below him, swatting at his neo nazi jeans. burts doesn't have bouncers as much as it has the barbacks who drink on the job. so they grab him and throw his body outside. yawn.

in between the thin hipsters with large neon frames and stoners playing foosball were these guys. the wednesday night hip hop crowd crashed our drooling drunk dance party.

everett came out again. bloo eyes. beard. gulp.

tdog dancing with a brunette beauty whilst 200 year old business man looks on.

floor to ceiling hipster flannel. yeah yeah si i'll post this on facebook.

currently, our group is more bisexual than usual. damn baby. skinny dipping on fri?

sweaty armpits afterparty

these moldy boring 4AM moments are brought to you by 5 tall tecates and 4 pbrs. look maw no drugs:

it's interesting how poorly we treat free furniture. a sign of immaturity. etc. etc. ET CETERA. psyche! actually, i come from the school of using the fuck out of the furniture, particularly during feline/human lava monster games.

apparently i have grandpa butt. how does this happen to a 24 year old sea kup gurl?

DAMN IT MARC please please please mail back american splendor so i can FINALLY WATCH johnny mnemonic. seriously, man, you've had it since 1965 .

uh-harum!!! fa la la la la .... ok. ready. these knees were made for blowing and that's just what they'll do. WHAT?

yawnsville. ri?