crue fest review

Friend 4 Life, Gene, had an extra ticket to Crue Fest and I could not pass it up. I'm pretty sure I unironically like Motley Crue. At the very least, I can appreciate glam metal. Most likely, their music is complete shit with only 2 exceptions (p.s. I have yet to find those exceptions), but their sincerity is pretty fucking cool. And you can't go wrong with something that commits fully to its own philosophy. Seriously.

The other deal maker for me: the fans. The hardcore metal fans who would drive to the middle of NOWHERE to see music ... that died twenty years ago. And at Journal Pavilion (Journal Pavilion = barf = Journal Barfilion)? No jokes, I was really effing excited to be around hardcore fans like that. We've been cocooning ourselves in the slimiest hipster trash Albuquerque has to offer for so long, it's like, IS THIS REAL LIFE? Is it? Is everything aloof? Is life so passe? Are 3 wolf moon shirts cool? I mean, obviously 3 wolf moon shirts are cool, but when everyone is wearing their own ironic 3 wolf moon shirt, is it cool? Obviously, it's not. I wanted to head bang, but more importantly, I wanted to be around other people who would head bang the fuck out of their ... head? Whatever. Here are the slimy details:

It rained. I mean, complete downpour on my walk to the entrance and I've got to say, was the perfect introduction to the dirty dirtbags I'd be rocking with for the next 5 hours. Everyone got soaked and muddy, grass stains and stringy wet hair. I would have killed to see the lawn area become an uncontrollable muddy Woodstock thingy, but are you kidding me, the crowd was waaaaaay too retarded and mallcore to think of something kool like dat. Plus, with all the security, we may as well been at a Walmart shareholder's conference. But that's typical Journal Barfilion, sucking the life out of music.

A couple boring bands came on ... bla bla bla ... $10 beers ... guitar metal bla. The highlight at that time was people-watching! Omg ...

Like, fine, I understand it's not 1984 and I wasn't expecting groupies in leather catsuits, but the audience was nothing I imagined ... because I'm a dummy. Here I am, like rocked out in ripped shorts, metal chain necklaces, wet tee shirt and boots out of hell, waiting for Motley Crue to start and no one gives a fuck. Everyone (the official stats aren't in yet, but I rounded up to "everyone") and I mean everyone was there to see Godsmack. Godsmack. Godsmack? Are you effing kidding me? "I'm not the one who so far away that I barf barf barf barf barf barf barf baaa-aaa-aarf." That's a real lyric from a real Godsmack song.

So, there I was dolled up for some grungy glam metal:
And was surrounded by this:
What do you even call these pants? Seriously, what do I have to type to find these pants again? I think I typed "nerd + goth + baggy pants + insane clown posse + emo + out of style - jnco" but come on, let's be adults here. Live and let live, bla bla bla. At some point, no. It's not ok to live and let live. There is a 10 foot red zipper wrapped around your legs, sir. Your pants are aerodynamically inefficient and furthermore, WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THE BOTTOM OF YOUR PANTS?! They are about 4 feet in diameter. Why? Just, why? I have never been surrounded by more incredibly ridiculous fashion ...

and it rocked. Everyone was 100% committed to their style. No apathy! No hipster blahs! Like, I could have rolled my eyes at their teepee pants, but there were literally thousands of other weirdos wearing the same unfortunate leg coverings and they all believed in it. I was definitely the little salmon jumping against the current this time, but whatever, don't we all feel like that all the time, anyhow? Whoa, man, heavy. P.S. I got to smoke my annual joint which probably explains why this post is long, winding and makes no sense ... just like those Baggy Zipper Pants! Yuk yuk yuk! Sorry.

ANYWAY.

Godsmack was awful. Obviously. Around Godsmack's eighth song, I watched a crowd of girls slip into somebody's puke puddle. Fun, but, by the time Motley Crue came on, I was like sort of done with the scene. There were so many old drunk people there and it just made me feel empty. It should make me happy, ri? Like, look at those old people in their poorly fitted jeans, they can still have fun at their age. Somehow it doesn't. Will someone explain this to me and use cute analogies, k?

Motley Crue ... omg. I think I was slightly hallucinating, but their lights/lazer show was spot on. Nikki Sixx pretty much converted me to metal guitar. Any suggestions? I'm gonna spend tonight researching albums. Vince Neil was ok or perfect, who knows? And Tommy Lee, swoon. I could not take my eyes off of him. Something about metal band drummers that completely spins my world around. Total boners!

Well, that was my night. It was stinking awesome to try out a new scene for a night, even surrounded by Baggy Zipper Pants. Oh, and also, I found out Nikki Sixx technically died from a drug overdose but was brought back to life or something ... he also looked like 40 years older than the rest of the band, even Tommy Lee who you'd expect to have been addicted to meth. Note to self: do not have a drug overdose and almost die.

Oh, the lessons we learn!