black fwiday

Lobos lawn gnome at wally world. Normal.

So, Black Friday guys! There were approximately 8,000,000 BF sales in Albuquerque so I can't even imagine what nyc and chi-chi were like. Luckily, only 3 sales were worth buying into.

1. Down comforter (any size) for $20 at Kmart.
2. Staple gun for free (after rebate) at Ace Hardware.
3. Miley Cyrus fringe boots for 15 bucks at Walmart.

The other "sales" were such bad deals. It was horrifying seeing how much $$$ the Borg Collective forked over for beyond shitty merch. That being said, we were totally one of the Borg that day as well. Pout!

Target was the worst BF offender, BY FAR. $500 Xmas trees, $80 GPS tvs, $500 remote controls. Plus, someone changed their disgusting little baby's diaper in the shoe department and left the dirty mess behind. Nachos were pretty good tho.

Yikes. Adding "exfoliant" to the shopping list tout suite :(

Thought we were moving to 7th and Lomas. Turns out we're not moving within ABQ at all. Saving money for THE BIG MOVE OF 2010. Details coming soon!

Anyway, bla bla bla, it was a great sociological exploration to shop on Black Friday. Seeing mobs of sweaty, angry people claw at each other for Sex and the City: The Movie could depress the shit out of you, but if you convince yourself hard enough, it becomes hilarious.

Here are our spoils:

This, plus a loaf of challah and two candles, made up Marc's Shabbat and Kiddush. I joined him, but only because I love sweet wine. Baruch atah adonai!

Smith's on Montgomery and Louisiana sells PAPER MAGAZINE?! Not even Page 1 sells paper magazine. Plus, a 99 cent jaguar brooch.

Converse pea coat.

Marc's boring stuff.

Massage oil and beeswax candles.

Blue and white for Marc.

(from l to r: Tiva's, Chomper's, Moshe's, and (obviously) Baby's stocking)

I'm glittering their names onto it this weekend. Looks like some cats are getting their own personal supply of catnip!!!!!!

OUR NEW XMAS TREE! IT'S PLASTIC, WHITE AND RAINBOW!

xmas tree porn.

Me: "Do you love it, Chompers?!"

Chompers: "I am not sure yet, it is foreign to me. I will like it more if you sprinkle catnip on it."

Me: "Chompers, Xmas trees are not for playing or eating. You just look at it and think nice thoughts."

Chompers: "Then, I have no place for it in my already full life."

Chompers has been completely ignoring the tree since Black Friday!

A shiny yarmulke and a rainbow Xmas tree. THIS IS WHAT LIFE IS ABOUT!!!!!!!

"Meow."

"Please stop taking pictures so I can clean behind my tail!"

SATURDAY ahem MORNING PICS!

Well, it's a little late to call this Saturday Morning Pictures, but you'll have to excuse my delay as I was puking in the john until ridiculously late last night. Why won't tequila be my friend? He can be a stone cold bitch to me at times.

On to the show:

There we go. A light-emitting vagina exists. See ya tomorrow!

baby burrito!!!!

Say hi to Baby P.

On the last snow day, I moved a couple of winter blankets from mi casa to marc's casa. Baby found the white down blanket to be very intriguing. His little blue eye and green eye watched me plop the blanket on the mini couch and then he cautiously watched it to make sure it wasn't a live snow creature.

After a couple minutes, he decided the snow creature was dead enough to burrow through.

Baby: "This is my most favorite dead snow creature."

Me: "Baby, this is not a snow creature, it is simply a white down blanket."

Baby: "I smell feathers, therefore it is an animal."

Sigh!

It is his favorite object in the house because it makes a great camouflage for his fur coat.

spuh-lash or zomfg indoor pools

Did yous guys see dis?! (more !!!!!!! than ?????)

Water exercise classes on the cheapo. OH GAWD ... highly, highly love water aerobics. Really, it's the most forgiving exercise class out there. Here are the top 4 reasons to love water aerobics:

• It's exclusively attended by old ladies in flower bathing caps, so any insecurity about el cuerpo is diminished by the fact that you're 60 years younger than anyone there and the tits are closer to your shoulders than your hips - hopefully.

• You don't get sticky sweaty in a pool.

• Running in place underwater with leg weights while pumping your arms and keeping your face above the surface is awkward, humiliating and exhausting. But, you can't help but laugh and then the person next to you laughs, then the person next to her until everyone is completely humiliated and carrying on together. It's that lovely, secret, surprising feeling you get when a whole room of people feel the same way. Human-race-ness? Hmmm. Quick! Scribe, come up with a German word for my feeling.

• Muscular aerobics instructor clad in elastic swimsuit.

• Fitness high, work-out euphoria, bla bla bla, let's get drinks afterward.
  

So much to laugh at in this photo, yet so little caption space ... swimming in ur own Polident? Just be glad the camera's above the water level? Place where boners go to die?

Also, obvie, this means I have to go shopping for a swim suit that holds everything in for longer than ten seconds. Let's consider some classic one piece swimsuit moments.

For our Classic One Piece Moments, this is a little sparse on the One Piece, but makes up for it on the Classic.

See above 'planation.

Not so Classic, nor One Piece, but worth noting:

And obviously, I would love to wear a Rudi Gernreich style monokini if I weren't positive I'd be thrown out of the natatorium.

Perfection.

Does someone want to host a private pool party so I can have excuse to make and wear this?

I'll let u know how the class goes. If anything, I'll make new friends with Mildred, Blanche and Winifred.

(dislocated) HIP! (dislocated) HIP! HOORAY!