Easter Sunday is for plant porn

This photo is giving me terrible anxiety. Where would you sit or lie down on this patch of grass without crushing any flowers? Where?! The flowers WOULD BE CRUSHED. Deep breath...

I remember in Pennsylvania, we'd trample over flowers like it was nothing. And it really was (nothing). For every flower you'd crush, two would spring up in its place (because flowers are like the gray hairs of the plant kingdom?). Now, here in New Mexico I get all over-protective mama when I see sprouts of petals. They're precious precious.

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Thank Jesus Cristo-Ramirez for this park bench or I'd still be reeling over my space to sit panic attack. Meanwhile, a stupid family placed their blob of a baby on the ROPED OFF flowers to take photos, crushing the flowers underneath her bottom and pulling up any remaining sprouts in her arm reach. Wonderful, looks like we have another Mensa candidate.

The Biopark set up special areas in the park where extravagant flowers are grown for their Spring Pastels Flower Show. Non-desert, drought intolerant, pussy flowers that need special babying. Very pretty, but give me the prized moxie of desert wildflowers, please.

Don't you wish you could sip tea out of these like in Willy Wonka?

Marc and I wandered into the Ceremonial Rose Garden. This is where weddings are held. This is where our wedding might be held? I don't know, we sort of talked about it, but for $1100 is it worth it? It's so not our style to follow wedding traditions like this ... Gloom. AND THAT REMINDS ME! I keep getting asked in an accusatory way why I don't have a ring. Or why he hasn't bought me a diamond. Seriously fucked. Actually, we do have a ring. It's on Marc's dick. Hmmmm, I should make that my new response...

Not every tree was in bloom, yet the Biopark was absolutely gorgeous. I can't imagine what it'll be like later this season :)

There were a lot of stupid babies there ruining my otherwise pleasant day. "I'm a stupid little baby crying for nothing!! Wah." Guess what, baby? We all have our own personal problems, so grow the eff up!

So if you've never been to the Albuquerque Botanical Garden, the main attraction (at least, for me) are the divided glass plant conservatories. One side houses desert plants and the other side houses Mediterranean plants and tropical bugs.

You wouldn't believe how magical the desert side was. Yellow flowers showered down from the branches of this tree while we walked underneath. And of course, idiots walked in and complained about how colorless the plants were, how hot the air was, how boring the flowers were, how bla bla the bla bla. I seriously don't get it. You may as well complain about living.

... at some point I'll stop with my annoying rants. Let's just enjoy these beautiful plants :)

As you can tell, I couldn't get enough of the yellow flowers.

Isn't it cute when mini baby plants snuggle the larger parent plants?

Awwww, remember how it was like sitting in a sauna? And our dry skin was cured for 25 minutes? Sigh.

Here's the Mediterranean side:

The hydrangeas were set up for the Spring Pastels Flower Show.

This plant is my "when I grow up and settle down in a house with a sunroom ideal." Its bright pink petals flake off like crispy pieces of filo dough.

Hobbit pot.

Do I look like a floating head?

This cage had two types of insects inside: Jungle Nymph and Giant Prickly Stick Insect. Wikipedia's images aren't being very helpful, so I can't tell you which one these curly-tailed bugs are. Still, creepy cool, ri? I won't even describe how nauseous I got at the Jumbo African Centipede cage ... oh, god, I feel faint again :(

Goodbye, glass house!

The duck pond, I think was my favorite part so don't be fooled by this one awful photo.

We sat on a mini-dock and watched the goings on of duck life. And wondered if duck feet ever accidentally hit fish fins and whether they feel bad about it. And we called one duck Tim because he wouldn't take a bath like the other ducks, but then he did and we renamed him Foofoo Sweetie Duckfield. And we designated one pair of duck mates our own counterparts. The girl duck was swimming all over the place, checking out all areas of the pond like a young, unruly bird and her mate kept right along behind her, protective and wildly colorful. The male only had one foot, but he kept up. AWwwwwwww...

Can you believe they weren't running the train?

How is that miniature lady going to get to her advertising job?! Miniature billboards don't sell themselves! omg ... cute faint.

This photo looks like the free postcard you get at Stuckey's with the purchase of a pecan log roll :)

We walked back toward the glass conservatories to look for the Japanese gardens.

There's a part of the Gardens called Heritage Farm, which I've been to once before. It's like the Disneyland version of an old time farm. There are mannequins sweeping a dusty porch and horses eating alfalfa in a wooden corral and a quaint garden growing lettuce and rutabagas, but really, it's a little hard to imagine I'm back in 1935 when the guy next to me is wearing Abercrombie trash and his gf's phone keeps playing 'Don't You Wish Your Girlfriend Was Hot Like Me."

We found it! Wooooooooo! Marc was super excited, so that made me super excited, too :)

Were we supposed to ring the bell for tranquility?

Armpit sweat is the new back triangle sweat.

The rock garden was very, very pretty. I think I'd have one in Albuquerque if I owned a yard. Although, I think it would be ruined with cat prints. Oh wellsies.

So, you walk through a beautifully crafted wooden and metal gate into the actual Japanese Garden. All that other stuff was just foreplay. Inside the gardens, you walk along a large pond and waterfall. They have several areas set up for you to stop and ponder. It's very pretty.

Can you believe these fish actually exist? They look like dragons!

This is one of the mini waterfalls.

The end!