say hi to the dry hole neighbors

I'm overhearing the sounds of the neighbors.

eh ... ehh ... uhh ... uH ... UH ... UH! UH! UH! UH! Uh ... uh ... uhh ... ehh ... eh ... eh ... ahh ... ahh! ... AHH! AH! AH! AH! Uh ... uh ... uh ... ehh ... ehhh uh ... uh! UH! UH! UH! ... ET CETERA!

Does this ever happen to you? Do you hear your neighbors having sex? And how often? Do you turn the t.v. way up? Do you mute everything and listen to their synchronous groans? Do you get turned on? Does it gross you out?

Marc's walls are about the thickness of four newspapers sheets so I get the luxury of a warning before they ram into position. As soon as I hear the neighbors upzip, unbutton, pull off their clothes and throw them on the floor, I know exactly how long til they get into position. And, tonight they interrupted my X-Files marathon so I paused and am guiltily listening in.

And it sounds boring.

I don't know, man, I don't mean to sound rude, but it sounds like a broken record. It just sounds like a girl and guy moaning, "uh uh uh" without interruption for the last 45 minutes. Don't they talk to each other? Don't they move to other positions? Where is the vibrator or spanking sounds? Where's the hushing sounds and thirsty silences? Where's the screaming and name-calling? And laughing and kissing? Where's the variety?

I'm interested in this "uh uh uh" sex now. With our own hair-pulling, paddles, smoke and mirror sessions, I usually can't handle more than 20 minutes. But, the "uh uh uh" sex seems to go on for 30+ minutes and sometimes up to an hour. It seems like they'd have sore, raw genitals and tired arms/backs after 45 minutes of rubbing on top of each other. I'm not judging until I get some more info and observations on this particular way of sex. Until then, goodnight Dry Hole neighbors, as I'll call you from now on.

Was this TMI to you? I can already see Marc's face turning red (better than dry, red genitals, AM I RIGHT?! ew, I grossed myself out again.)

a date with unm campus

We bummed around UNM last Friday afternoon. I wish I had taken more pics of the awful student fashions but my hangover brain wasn't processing info fast enough :( Did you know these boots are ubiquitous on campus:

oh my god BAAAAAAAAAAAAAARF!!!!!!!!! So not ok. CAN YOU IMAGINE!? WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?! These are not boots. They are hairless scrotum sacs. Oh my god, I need to walk away from this picture. I am too mad.

Ok, I'm back. Obviously, the normies all need to wear this to feel part of the Borg collective, but come on. How do you screw up boots? They made something as seductive as a boot look like a garbage dump tube sock. UUUUUUUGHHHHHH. I'm getting mad again.

Taking a breath.

Ok. Let's look at UNM pics.

A class just got out of the Kiva and most of the students weren't carrying notebooks, pens or backpacks. Remember those days?

There's a she wolf in the closet! Open up and set her free! Ow-woooo!

Near the graduate art building.

Engineering library. Engineer fashions haven't changed since 1978. Ill-fitting levis from the thrift store. Woven belt. Large Unionbay tee-shirt. Windbreaker. Hiking sneakers. White socks.

When I was a student, I could pinpoint which department of engineering a person was in based on their appearance. Let's see:

Mechanical Engineering - Physics guys with more muscle definition. Probably has penis length issues, but not always.
Computer Science - Military haircut or hair is long in a ponytail. Gut. Mountain Dew.
Chemical Engineering - Female or Indian. Hmm. I got a bad feeling when I wrote that. Is stereotyping in a good way morally good?
Electrical Engineering - I forget what they look like. Is this the easy one? Or is that Civil Engineering? One of these are the guys who wear black shirts with statements on the front. "Clowns scare me" or "I see dead people."

And then the girls were distinctly two categories: The ones who dress like boys to prove they're beyond fashion and the ones who dress sexy to prove you can be pretty and smart. Both are virgins. jk! I'm being a bitch today, yeesh! Nerds rule the world or whatever.

Those silly anti-abortion displays were up again. Notice how we hid in the bushes to take pics. There were cross-wearing jerks running up to lecture people. The pics are somewhat graphic, it's just blood, carnage and a couple dead fetuses. Not really anything you wouldn't see in a maternity nursing textbook or bio book. Anyway, I'd rather wear an abortion on my feet than those awful awful scrotum boots. grrrrrrr, my blood's beginning to boil again.

Can you guess where this is?

DANE SMITH HALL!

I was worried I was getting pregnancy boobs, but luckily I'm just gaining fat weight. yay?

That laptop guy with his back against the wall kept massaging his boner. We watched for ten minutes. What? That's normal.

A new math building is being constructed across from the Chem building. Good bye motorcycle lot! It'll be called the Math and Science Learning Center ... hmmm, ohhhkaaay hippie.

Don't you feel like Math and Science buildings should have hard to pronounce, terrifying names? "Learning Center" sounds like Daycare Center.

Pretty fun day! I'll try to take more pics of the gruesome UNM fashions next time.

cash in the bank leggings

The leggings review continues!

Remember how we freaked out about the seasons changing? And the end of summer? And our inability to stop aging? Yeah? No?

Anyway, whether you remember it or not, it happened. And we decided to shop for leggings to dilute our sense of reality. Here's the first post: cheapo, will-fall-apart-in-the-first-wash leggings. And the second post, slightly more pricey, but still somewhat reasonable leggings.

This next leggings post is purely for people who like to spend 70 to 200 dollars on a single piece of clothing. Or if you're someone like me, who will inevitably buy giraffe leggings and regret it later when the electricity is turned off, you'll enjoy this post too.

My favorite one first:

So effing perfect. Perfect for watching tv and doing arts and crafts. For playing pool at the dive bar. For strutting down that alley with a 40. For visiting ma and pa out on the farm. Can you imagine all the fun stuff we're going to do in these thermal leggings!? Makes me want to marry a lumberjack.

What? You don't pin your winter hopes into articles of clothing? $58 for the thermal scrunch leggings from Free People. And considering it's that baby-skin-soft cotton, probs worth it.

So ... about these "leggings" leggings ...

You have to remember that it's been 45 days since I pulled this off the interweb and Oh MG, we're basically completely different people now. People who would never wear leggings with the word leggings printed on the side of it, but 45 days ago? Probably. The Rock and Republic leggings are $78 but you'd have to travel back in time to fully appreciate them.

$141 by Citizens of Humanity. These leggings remind me of this horrible personal memory that shaped my view of girls and popularity for the REST OF MY LIFE (up until college)!

Moriarty Elementary School (GO Colts!) had this mandatory after school class for girls in 6th grade. A female gym teacher and the female 6th grade teachers would lecture you about deodorant and peer pressure and bras. Routine stuff. Then in the last month, they MADE us learn and play volleyball until we were "good enough to play against middle school girls." I remember being told from the gym coach that if we were bad at gym then the older girls would beat us up? And, of course, at that time, I didn't think to question the oddity of that statement.

So, there I was, standing under those dull yellow cafeteria lights with my feet spread shoulder-length apart, about to hit a volleyball over the net when I hear the girls snickering behind me. I pretend I don't hear them, even though they're very loud. I hit the ball and go to the back of the line. They were talking about how dark and veiny my legs were.

I made it a point to always wear my stirrup leggings from that class forward.

Now, obviously, my legs alone have gotten me no less than twenty-five different orgasms from no less than twenty-five different guys (yeah right, i wish), but it's nice to see how well we've grown since our self-conscious, but pre-tampon-buying, still-dressing-barbie 11 year old days.

Anyway, doesn't this next model look like avril lavigne:

$120 Adidas by Stella McCartney running leggings. Doesn't it look like it would be hard to peel these off after a run? Whatever. Like anyone would turn down Stella McCartney leggings.

Juicy Couture $128 leopard-print leggings. I'm bored.

For $99 would you buy these David Lerner half-ripped leggings? Would probably feel more satisfying to rip them urself. :( Especially since you could rip them across the ass and start a weird trend :)

MARC by Marc Jacobs leggings, 68 bucks. The description said leopard print, but the color seems more giraffe so I'm including it in the giraffe-colored category (as if that exists). Plus, I like the model's head. It looks Bjork-y.

This just reminds me that my ass is sort of flat. And there's something too pulled-together about the shiny leggings. Like it's trying too hard? I can see almost any celebrity wearing this and that makes me barf a little. Maybe if you put a rip across the ass, it'd seem more punk. Rock & Republic, $98.

Gotta include French Connection. It was $62 and now $44. The tag said it's jersey so it's like wearing a cloud, but it has that shiny thing going on. Kewl. Maybe I'd try wearing this with a bra and jacket and see how many bars I'd get thrown out of.

Another French Connection. This one's on sale for 55 bucks. I L.O.V.E. patterned tights and leggings. They can feel sloppy or fab depending on what you're doing. Cleaning the litter box- sloppy. Plucking your eyebrows- fab. Peeling potatoes- sloppy. Quick handjob- fab and then sloppy. Ew, I just grossed myself out. Moving on.

Really like this one. It's metallic faux croc leggings with snaps on the bottom that adjust to scrunchy or straight. Really cool. They seem like a good investment piece, even for leggings. How long do you think this leggings thing will continue? I already have a couple pairs I want to wear for the rest of my life, assuming flairs don't come back into style. Barf. 40 bucks on sale by Free People.

These next three pairs are from Diane von Furstenberg. They're each $115

Kinda seems like old lady big print now that I look at it.

This color palette is better.

Looks like fall leaves. I think this is a good starter pattern for people who fear patterns. It kind of blends into a reddish-orange from far away and seems uniform enough to wear with another pattern, maybe? Maybe an argyle or cable knit pattern? This is getting too preppy for me. Wear it with a gold bathing suit.

Yeah, I knew I'd find better constructed button-up leggings than target brand. But for 98 bucks? 3 Dots leggings are ripping us off.

Totally love how weird these look. $58 XCVI tie dye leggings.

These leggings are from Lindsay Lohan's brand, 6126. I'm kind of falling in love with the trashy gold zipper and see through fabric on the ass. $132!

Another 6126. These are $110. Yuck. Nothing worse than this type of cutesy machine manufactured rips and holes. I guarantee you I'll see three to five girls walking around the mall with copycat leggings.

$139 J Brand jeans. Kinda not leggings, I know, but the tag said they're very light weight denim. They kind of look like they're cute on the model, but ridiculous on me. Plus, ew, every time I think of skinny jeans, my mind goes to emo kids who pair it with neon hoodies and fugly sneakers. Yawn.

I think I'm loving these shredded David Lerner leggings. Maybe just because my parents would be totally confused as to why they look like that. $135

Oh god yeah.

Roxy Twilight pants, 50 bucks and they're not actually denim yay! I just want to make love to these fake jeans.

I also found these on that mytights site. They're ridiculous (in a good way?) I don't know, man. My brain is kind of fried on leggings right now.

period leggings! haha jk that's gross.

I could check my reflection in these.

And this is Betsey Johnson for Urban Outfitters, web only sale. Loves it, duh. Reminds me of some childhood library book design. Hmmm. I'll have to remember later. $98

Can you believe there are leggings more expensive than these? Well there are. And it's weird.

shit girls

Oh god, these pics are making me salivate for 5 am whiskey sours.

We ran from bar to bar, dancing and being grabbed and getting the good whiskey bought for us. I think it was like 80 degrees that night and the street guitarists were sweating through their black button-ups.

The teens with fake ids were dancing to Michael Jackson at Burts and we were smoking black cigarettes with a round of guys in the back of Blackbird.

We were supposed to split up then meet back at the harvard house for coke and a joint by 4. Decided to stick together and let the boys follow our footsteps.

And we found ourselves stomping on the sidewalks and spitting in the gutter all the way to Harvard. And danced in a back yard garden until the mountain began glowing from that white sun.

One of the more memorable summer nights.