cash in the bank leggings

The leggings review continues!

Remember how we freaked out about the seasons changing? And the end of summer? And our inability to stop aging? Yeah? No?

Anyway, whether you remember it or not, it happened. And we decided to shop for leggings to dilute our sense of reality. Here's the first post: cheapo, will-fall-apart-in-the-first-wash leggings. And the second post, slightly more pricey, but still somewhat reasonable leggings.

This next leggings post is purely for people who like to spend 70 to 200 dollars on a single piece of clothing. Or if you're someone like me, who will inevitably buy giraffe leggings and regret it later when the electricity is turned off, you'll enjoy this post too.

My favorite one first:

So effing perfect. Perfect for watching tv and doing arts and crafts. For playing pool at the dive bar. For strutting down that alley with a 40. For visiting ma and pa out on the farm. Can you imagine all the fun stuff we're going to do in these thermal leggings!? Makes me want to marry a lumberjack.

What? You don't pin your winter hopes into articles of clothing? $58 for the thermal scrunch leggings from Free People. And considering it's that baby-skin-soft cotton, probs worth it.

So ... about these "leggings" leggings ...

You have to remember that it's been 45 days since I pulled this off the interweb and Oh MG, we're basically completely different people now. People who would never wear leggings with the word leggings printed on the side of it, but 45 days ago? Probably. The Rock and Republic leggings are $78 but you'd have to travel back in time to fully appreciate them.

$141 by Citizens of Humanity. These leggings remind me of this horrible personal memory that shaped my view of girls and popularity for the REST OF MY LIFE (up until college)!

Moriarty Elementary School (GO Colts!) had this mandatory after school class for girls in 6th grade. A female gym teacher and the female 6th grade teachers would lecture you about deodorant and peer pressure and bras. Routine stuff. Then in the last month, they MADE us learn and play volleyball until we were "good enough to play against middle school girls." I remember being told from the gym coach that if we were bad at gym then the older girls would beat us up? And, of course, at that time, I didn't think to question the oddity of that statement.

So, there I was, standing under those dull yellow cafeteria lights with my feet spread shoulder-length apart, about to hit a volleyball over the net when I hear the girls snickering behind me. I pretend I don't hear them, even though they're very loud. I hit the ball and go to the back of the line. They were talking about how dark and veiny my legs were.

I made it a point to always wear my stirrup leggings from that class forward.

Now, obviously, my legs alone have gotten me no less than twenty-five different orgasms from no less than twenty-five different guys (yeah right, i wish), but it's nice to see how well we've grown since our self-conscious, but pre-tampon-buying, still-dressing-barbie 11 year old days.

Anyway, doesn't this next model look like avril lavigne:

$120 Adidas by Stella McCartney running leggings. Doesn't it look like it would be hard to peel these off after a run? Whatever. Like anyone would turn down Stella McCartney leggings.

Juicy Couture $128 leopard-print leggings. I'm bored.

For $99 would you buy these David Lerner half-ripped leggings? Would probably feel more satisfying to rip them urself. :( Especially since you could rip them across the ass and start a weird trend :)

MARC by Marc Jacobs leggings, 68 bucks. The description said leopard print, but the color seems more giraffe so I'm including it in the giraffe-colored category (as if that exists). Plus, I like the model's head. It looks Bjork-y.

This just reminds me that my ass is sort of flat. And there's something too pulled-together about the shiny leggings. Like it's trying too hard? I can see almost any celebrity wearing this and that makes me barf a little. Maybe if you put a rip across the ass, it'd seem more punk. Rock & Republic, $98.

Gotta include French Connection. It was $62 and now $44. The tag said it's jersey so it's like wearing a cloud, but it has that shiny thing going on. Kewl. Maybe I'd try wearing this with a bra and jacket and see how many bars I'd get thrown out of.

Another French Connection. This one's on sale for 55 bucks. I L.O.V.E. patterned tights and leggings. They can feel sloppy or fab depending on what you're doing. Cleaning the litter box- sloppy. Plucking your eyebrows- fab. Peeling potatoes- sloppy. Quick handjob- fab and then sloppy. Ew, I just grossed myself out. Moving on.

Really like this one. It's metallic faux croc leggings with snaps on the bottom that adjust to scrunchy or straight. Really cool. They seem like a good investment piece, even for leggings. How long do you think this leggings thing will continue? I already have a couple pairs I want to wear for the rest of my life, assuming flairs don't come back into style. Barf. 40 bucks on sale by Free People.

These next three pairs are from Diane von Furstenberg. They're each $115

Kinda seems like old lady big print now that I look at it.

This color palette is better.

Looks like fall leaves. I think this is a good starter pattern for people who fear patterns. It kind of blends into a reddish-orange from far away and seems uniform enough to wear with another pattern, maybe? Maybe an argyle or cable knit pattern? This is getting too preppy for me. Wear it with a gold bathing suit.

Yeah, I knew I'd find better constructed button-up leggings than target brand. But for 98 bucks? 3 Dots leggings are ripping us off.

Totally love how weird these look. $58 XCVI tie dye leggings.

These leggings are from Lindsay Lohan's brand, 6126. I'm kind of falling in love with the trashy gold zipper and see through fabric on the ass. $132!

Another 6126. These are $110. Yuck. Nothing worse than this type of cutesy machine manufactured rips and holes. I guarantee you I'll see three to five girls walking around the mall with copycat leggings.

$139 J Brand jeans. Kinda not leggings, I know, but the tag said they're very light weight denim. They kind of look like they're cute on the model, but ridiculous on me. Plus, ew, every time I think of skinny jeans, my mind goes to emo kids who pair it with neon hoodies and fugly sneakers. Yawn.

I think I'm loving these shredded David Lerner leggings. Maybe just because my parents would be totally confused as to why they look like that. $135

Oh god yeah.

Roxy Twilight pants, 50 bucks and they're not actually denim yay! I just want to make love to these fake jeans.

I also found these on that mytights site. They're ridiculous (in a good way?) I don't know, man. My brain is kind of fried on leggings right now.

period leggings! haha jk that's gross.

I could check my reflection in these.

And this is Betsey Johnson for Urban Outfitters, web only sale. Loves it, duh. Reminds me of some childhood library book design. Hmmm. I'll have to remember later. $98

Can you believe there are leggings more expensive than these? Well there are. And it's weird.