Mother's Day was spent at the Putt Putt on San Mateo and McLeod (I hate how that neighborhood does not have a charming name such as Student Ghetto, Pearl District, or Miracle Mile.) Our golf balls were construction cone orange, jelly bean green, candy banana yellow and heavy metal black. Afterward we paid full price to watch Kick-Ass. My review: Watch Almost Famous instead of Kick-Ass. Watch Sin City instead of Kick-Ass. Watch Ghost World instead of Kick-Ass.
Did I tell you that we've made Blackbird our new go-to bar? It smells less like fecal matter than Burt's and still retains the classic dive bar bathroom door graffiti. I have a feeling the asshole bartender will drive us out.
We walked to the University to loot the dorm dumpsters. This would be the night we got caught by campus police.
Congrats, you're not pregnant.
The coppers made us put back our hula hoops, box of 60 unused condoms, three pairs of Levi's and a vacuum cleaner and ordered us off campus.
Crazytown. It's already 2010?
Mazel tov.
I inappropriately did not wear a bra underneath that gleaming and shiny fabric. I looked like a 70s porno movie cover so I dug around in the trunk and found a gray blazer. Size little boy. The last high school graduation I went to was my sissy's 4 years ago. I had orange hair and smaller boobs. My own high school graduation was between watch C-SPAN and vacuum under the chairs in my things I couldn't care less about list. I wore my terrible glasses, didn't brush my teeth and read the Albuquerque Journal during the whole thing. I wish I would have paid more attention. Probably doesn't matter, right? Right.
We sat around in the country whistling into grass blades. Flipping coins into the kiddie pool. Eating watermelon and cake.
Scary. I look like the love child between the two sheeples on either side of me. Funny ha-ha and funny sad-sad. I bet my parents were pleased that they bought another roll of school pics where I intentionally frowned.
Bachelorette Party Number Two.
Somewhere out there there is a young lady who misplaced her bachelorette party. It's ok, love, we have it right here. We'll go ahead and use it for you. Byeeeeeeeeee!!!
I highly recommend this cigar whatever its name, brand, flavor, size and diameter are.
Funny ha-ha.
Isotopes vs. Reno Aces. Game stats: Isotopes won 2 to 0. A choir sang the national anthem. Taco won the race. We sat behind a row of two large christian families and lamented about their poor childrens' future sex life. Highly inappropriate, highly entertaining. We counted 6 mullets, 2 screaming babies, 1 Kat Von D look-a-like, 1 father with a mohawk, 16 MILFs and countless dads eyeing my round tits. I think they can sense the decaying youth on me. Oh, also they sell veggie dogs at the park now but they're $5 so yeah right like I'm gonna pay that. I'll just chew on a wet paper towel. Same flavor.
Birthday picnic was a great success. It rained on everything and sort of ruined the salsa and blankets but we laughed through everything and got soaked and rolled with the punches, not letting anything ruin a beautiful day. Feels powerful to not let anything affect you. Maybe this is what it feels like to be a dimwitted boy, i.e. a boy.
My only wedding snap. Wedding wedding wedding. Wedding? Wedding wedding wedding wedding wedding wedding. Wedding wedding wedding! Wedding, hahaha, wedding! Wedding.
We packed up our sacks and bags like where's waldo and went hiking on Memorial Day. 'Tis nice.
That night after Tim's backyard bbq we drove to Jay's lovely neighborhood and walked to O'neils. I've decided I'm over bars, pubs and house parties. I want to spend the summer on the streets.
You get 2 out of 3 stars for posture. Needs improvement.
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