There was a war in my body. I won.

I am finally ready to stomach this post. My post food poisoning immune system was not quite ready to relive the slime encrusted memories two weeks ago, but I'm pretty much 100% now :) Read on, man!

From what I can tell by others' experiences, there seems to be food *cough-cough* I guess... poisoning (indigestion), capital-F Food poisoning (sitting on the toilet all night and feeling queasy) and all caps double underlined FOOD POISONING!! (do I need to describe this kind?) which is what I had.

Things I never, ever, ever thought I'd do in front of another human, much less my mom and boyfriend:

• Throwing up on myself
• Asking someone to hold up my body while I sit on the toilet
• Asking if I was going to die of "typhoid fever" (sad, funny and embarrassing!)
  
• And in some nightmarish overture, asking for more empty trashcans to throw up in while I am sitting half-naked on the toilet
  

Thinking back about it, I'm sort of like dot dot dot um, whoa. Obviously my mom was whatevs about helping me with my earthquake diarrhea and geyser vomit because 1) she's my mom and 2) an ICU nurse at a University Hospital has seen worse. But Marc? One day we're 'normal hi how are you' dating couple and the next we're 'seen you at your absolute fucking worst' couple which seems like a larger step than moving in together. I don't know. This ordeal makes the Can I Fart In Front Of Him question mean nothing. (Although I still don't, duh. I like his image of me to not involve gas fumes and flies buzzing around my bottom.)
And finally, a Mitzvah is produced because of my virus: I am entering Moshe into a Therapy Cat program!! He sat next to me and purred for most of the night, putting his paw on my hand and wiping the sweat from my forehead with his tail so I'm hoping he'd be a great comfort to kids or adults going through whatever in a hospital :)

P.S. So FYI about sugar and brown bags: I had a headache and couldn't feel my hands or forearms for some reason so my mom fed me sugar under my tongue and made me breath into a bag and I almost instantly felt my arms again and my headache went away. She said your brain only wants oxygen and sugar and when it doesn't get it, it gets mad at you and gives you a headache (that is literally how she described it to me because even though I am 26 I will always be her sweetheart who likes to hear anthropomorphic story explanations.) And putting sugar under your tongue is the quickest way to get it into your system without a needle. Imagine that!

P.P.S. I never figured out where I got the bug from! Hrmph!!