beach bunnies in 2D

On Saturday, we switched into our string bikinis and sat on the shore.

Anna had to study for her law classes. Claire and I had the luxury of reading about the worst beach bodies and celebrity toenail polish. This made my poor, lonely brain cell weepy :'(

After a couple hours and a quick swim in l'Atlantique, our tum tums grumbled for grub.

Smart girls. They brought smoked salmon, crisp string beans, mozzarella, fresh tomatoes and ripe basil leaves.

This is another HOW TO GUIDE: HOW TO EAT YUMMY GRUB ON A BEACH WITH LIMITED SUPPLIES.

A knife is indispensable. Cut up everything into bite size pieces. We cut the tomato and mozzarella into potato chip-sized pieces. We used the plastic wrapping as a makeshift cutting board.

Try to use a magazine as a hard surface under the plastic as sand gives away too easily. National Enquirer won't work since it's thinner than Scott's brand toilet paper. Elle, Vogue or even People would work great.

I thought veggies and smoked fish worked great for a spontaneous beach picnic since they taste great hot, warm or cold. But when we were kids, slimy turkey and chicken drumsticks were beach staples. Probably just go with your gut.

VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: Keep the knife inside of one of the bags or be prepared to eat sand.

HOW TO GUIDE: HOW TO SURVIVE EATING SAND BY ACCIDENT.

Either spit out the food in your mouth or deal with it by chomping like a cow and swallowing it as fast as you can. Then drink something.

Then when you're done eating, go wash up sticky fingers with a dip in the ocean. If you want to go the extra mile, take the knife with you and swim out with it in your mouth like a shark hunter.

KAW-fee break, hon.

Then we ate dungeness crab, she-crab soup, linguini with oyster sauce and hush puppies at Carolina Seafood where our waitress had ashtray breath and saggy tits. I loved her. Got home and drank some wine during a viewing of Borat.

Sun exhaustion! la la la la la la!