die, facebook applications, just die already

When you accept a Facebook application, don't you think that obligatory statement about privacy is a little odd?

Taking a closer look:

Just because my douchebag friend from high school accepted an invite to Mafia Wars, means my info is inspected?! Please, philosophy student, what is this type of exploitation called? I'm ok with being an idiot on my own and blindly accepting applications to search through my private statements, but I don't trust or like Stefan's moronic application approvals. I don't even trust or like Stefan! Sounds like it's time for a How to Guide ..................

How to Guide: How to Unlock the Shackles of Facebook Applications.
Step 1: Turn on your computer and log on.
Step 2: Log in to Facebook.
Step 3: Deactivate your Facebook account.

This way is foolproof, like abstinence, but also a little unreasonable and highly boring, after all, if you're not there to "like" somebody's burrito comment, then who is? SO .....

How to Guide: How to Slightly Diminish the Annoyance of Facebook Applications.

Preparation Stage: Log into Facebook and Block or Ignore all those awaiting Application invites. I had 53 from just this past 3 or 4 months. How about you? And just so we're clear - this How to Guide will delete ALL of your applications. Make sure you are prepared to live without "What kind of bride are you?" app.

Step 1: Hover your cursor over Settings on the top bar.

It will give you 3 options: Account Settings, Privacy Settings and Application Settings.

Step 2: Click on Application Settings.

Good.

Step 4: So get really well acquainted with this ridiculous drop down menu. It should say Recently Used, Bookmarked, Added to Profile, etc! Each option you choose will display your current applications. They could have made it easier on us by having a "Show All Applications" option, but of course, they made it very convoluted.

Get ready to go through all the drop down menu options. It's a pain the ass.

Step 4: Locate the applications that have an "X" at the end of their row. These are the ones you can delete.

Maybe you can delete those other ones without the X's, e.g. Events or Photos, but they're the applications that you're Facebook-born with so I just kept them. The user-made Facebook Applications are like the back alley silicone implant surgery you got and are now leaking into your endocrine system. ANYWAY.

Step 6: When you press the "X", you get this pop-up box that asks you to confirm you decision. Press Remove doye!

Ok, good. Now do that to all the applications in your list. I originally had 4 in my "Recently Used" page, 7 in my "Added to Profile" page, and a zillion in my Allowed to Post page.

Step 7: Go back to the Applications drop down menu and select the next option down.

Step 8: Find the applications with the little "X" in its row and click the "X".

Step 9: Select block or remove. Whatever. I couldn't remember exactly what they ask you, but it's pretty laborious.

Step 10: Repeat Steps 7 - 9 until you've removed all of your applications.

NOTE: In the Allowed to Post page, click on the Never Allowed to Post any Stories. Every application that you've ever approved should be there, they never go away, but since they're obviously never allowed to post, I guess that's alright?

Step 11: Ok, this is what your Application Settings should look like in every Application page!

Take a fucking break, we're only half-way through. SIGH!

Step 12: Go back to the Settings drop down menu and select Privacy Settings.

Step 13: Click on the Applications link.

I've circled for your convenience. :)

Step 14: You will be brought to a page that looks like this. Click on the Settings tab. It's next to the Overview tab.

Step 15: Your page will look something like this, except without the illustrations. Stare and scowl. This little page allows your friends stupid applications to search through your personal info?! Your online presence? Current locations? Events you're going to? Creepy. Your friends' Facebook Applications need to get a life.

And I use the term "friend" very loosely here. No offense, but I don't trust any of my Facebook friends personal tastes in applications. "What can you fit up your nose" application, anyone? Really, though, how many of your Facebook friends do you like? Even tolerate? I'm like 0.3% LOVE, 2% TOLERATE, 50% INDIFFERENT, and the rest I also don't care about but am too entertained by their awful one-liners on that mainpage feed to delete. I have one guy who only posts famous doctor quotes. And another one who links to literary review articles. And a shit ton of high school friends who only talk about their boring life, boring kids and absolutely worthless, boring husband/wife. AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! We're getting off subject though ...

(P.S. How rude was I in that last paragraph, yeesh! Take a chill pill, G la fille.)

Step 16: Look for the Option that says "Do not share any information about me through the Facebook API" and click it!

Before I clicked it, I painstakingly unchecked every little box in the other option, but I'm pretty sure that's not necessary unless you have mild OCD.

Step 17: WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT FORGET to scroll down and press Save Changes.

For the most part, that is it. After I did this, I couldn't give a shit about Stefan or his L'il Green Patch since I denied his Applications access to my info no matter what! Consider yourself better than the rest.

Or not. I don't know, maybe Satan really does own Facebook and none of this matters.