breakdancing party wha?

does it look bright? I AX YOU, DOES. IT. LOOK. BRIGHT, SON? Sol Arts Gallery was bright like that one time you fell asleep in the passengers seat on that road trip and the moment you opened your eyes, a two hundred pound ray of sunlight cut into your pupil so devastatingly that you literally had a blind spot in your vision for two weeks after that. aka walmart lighting.

previously, si, jay and i were sitting in the home comforts of simon's 40 watt bulb experience. we sat around watching these videos on youtube:

1940s disney nazi movie.
lit music video.
eve 6 music video. remember them? remember them?!
smartest man in the world doc.
objectum-sexual doc.
8,000 rihanna music videos.
2 beck music videos.
3 t.i. music videos without music (?)
and then we watched a katy perry music video and zooey deschanel music video at the request of jay.

we walked over to Sol Arts Gallery with Simon's 24 pack of miller high life. my shi shi beer was safely tucked away in my 50 gallon faux leather bag. jay's shit was mixed into an old coca-cola bottle. jay was in a great mood. he also seemed to be a 7.8 on the drunk scale. i was about a 3.1, i think. and i know si was mostly sober too, because we exchanged the one raised eyebrow stare when jay spilled his whole beer on simon's window treatment while singing "YOU'RE HOT THEN YOU'RE COLD! YOU'RE YES THEN YOU'RE NO. YOU'RE IN AND YOU'RE OUT. YOU'RE UP THEN YOU'RE DOWN!"

basically, we walked right into a break dancing competition, which was cool, except, wait, no it wasn't. there were 5 rows of people and we were standing in the back so occasionally we'd see somebody's foot rise above the crowd but for the most part i listened to the crowd for reference.

plus, i sort of felt like we walked into a day care center. there was no alcohol allowed in the building and people were drinking water bottles with actual water. plus, they were wearing non-ironic sweatbands, if that even exists. i don't think it actually does. forget it.

i felt like we were partying with the kids at the mall and their parents were waiting in the next room to drive them home. si and jay left as soon as david told them NO ALCOHOL ALLOWED. oh yeah and also did i tell you chemistry david from the sweeney todd party partly owns the gallery and reprimanded si about the beer.

this made me wonder about my life. have you ever been awake and sober at 1A!M! on a saturday morning? have you ever been awake and sober during a break dancing competition? how exactly do you attend a break dancing competition at midnight? the who, why, what and how were all swirling around while i contemplated my slow descent into alcoholism. did i need alcohol to have fun? did i need alcohol to socialize?

in short, no and no. ANY-BODY would need drugs to stay awake at a midnight break dancing party. total barf. GET ME OUT OF THERE.

does that back row look like the characters of homies™ to you too?

simon sold one of his high life's to a break dancer for a dollar. he gave si a handful of nickels and shortchanged him by 5 cents. jay and i gossiped near a piss puddle while simon talked to friends about poorhouse. we walked to anodyne.

and then the night ended around 1:45. i ate hashbrowns with melted cheese when i got home and hugged my cats. marc and i slipped ourselves under the blankets and i told him about the weird sober break dancers and how i didn't even smell weed. and the water bottles on the gallery floor. and the beer bottle we chugged in that corner alley before bum piss tunnel. i talked about how happy jay seemed. and how he told me a ridiculous story about getting stuck on somebody's private property after i told him i was scared of walking down the alleys. it cheered me up. i talked and held marc's hand under the blanket and looked over every so often to see if he fell asleep. he stayed up with me the whole time.