heavy cadaver

i thought i would share with you a recurring nightmare sequence i have. it's one of my mildly saner ones.

it usually begins with me floating up an exterior staircase at a silent dirty apartment building. it's pitch black but there are dim light bulbs highlighting each green doorway. no one is outside with me but i see the windows' curtains move back quickly a couple times. and i keep walking up toward the door that is slightly ajar. it's so far away but i walk closer. the light bulbs are dimmer up high. i see the door knob. it's dark inside the apartment. i'm almost there and my body lurches forward to go inside. but then in an eye blink i'm laying on the concrete ground.

i haven't fallen. i'm just there. and it takes me a while to look next to me. i have a blue-skin cadaver weighing down my legs. it's nude and faced downward. male body. cold. his skin is cold. smooth. unmoving. please don't move. please don't move. his foot stretches.

the last time i had this dream, marc told me he had to wake me because i was mumbling 'no. no. no' over and over. i'm looking forward for my next terrible experience with this one.