where do i start ...

i woke up this morning tangled up in a pile of blankets and sheets. the mascara from my left eyelashes were smeared halfway down my face and i had an inexplicable severe pain down my right forearm. my teeth were dirty grimy and i forgot to take off that horribly tight bra before i fell asleep. and fuck, the sunlight was causing me to veer into a destructive rage. but none of it was as persisting as the knot in the center of my belly. pulling all my thoughts with it. i felt a vague sense of humiliation wafting over me.

naturally i reached for my laptop and started checking my mail. the inbox looked normal, a rather large number of notices from facebook detailing comments made in the new photo album. it seemed that i didn't send emails or chat with anyone from gmail though.

wait.

facebook.

oh god.

i pulled up facebook, logged in and began to sift through the excruciating comments i left on basically every single photo. sentences were strung together without verbs. words were spelled with kindergarten level mistakes. and i seemed to have convinced n that i have perpetual caps lock syndrome and a penchant for late rent checks.

i sat there thinking things over still tangled in my sheets and rubbing out the deep indention my bra had left. if i leave my comments there, it will serve as a reminder of how badly i need to avoid the combination of internet and alcohol. anyhow, it appears that others have already read through my silly comments and erasing them now would be frivolous. but on the other hand, deleting the likes of "broke neck mountain" and "dump store cltohes better" would feel pretty fucking cathartic.

i chose to delete.

in an odd way, i find it refreshing that i still contain the ability to embarrass myself in ever changing ways. it's a rare branch of youth that i don't often find myself on. let's hope i don't find myself there again soon.